March 30th, 2009 . 8:35 am . By: DJ Walker

I’m pretty sure the announcer on Telemundo just referred to Zach Thornton as “El Enorme”, which is a cognate just about anyone can pick up on. I like these guys already.

Thank goodness for The Inferno, La Raza, and El Matador, because otherwise that stadium would be deader than fried chicken. Very sparse crowd, which is disappointing considering opening night was a respectable 15,000. It’s so quiet on the East side you can hear Jonathon Bornstein giving the Official a hard time about an offside call. But I can hear the Supporter’s Groups loud and clear.

The field looks like a billiards table. Absolutely gorgeous. The way it should be.

Field Turf, bah.

RayJ is in goal, with our guy Dario out for a month or so after having his meniscus operated on. When I first heard they were cutting on Dario’s meniscus, I almost fainted. Then I found out the meniscus is actually a part of the knee, and I felt a lot better about the whole thing.

I never paid attention in college.

I’m told Ray Burse had a poor preseason, but I don’t care. I’ve seen the kid play and he is good. It gives me no heartburn whatsoever to see him in the goal. Not that I don’t miss El Leon, mind you, but I know he’ll be back.

The other thing I like about Spanish-speaking announcers is that they like to use a guy’s full name. Thus, whenever Dax touches the ball, they say “Michael Dax McCarty”, but without missing a beat in the flowing rhythm that characterizes that beautiful language.

If I may digress for a second, I thought the US v El Salvador game was brilliantly played. We managed to lull the opposition to sleep by playing horrid, nervous football for 75 minutes, then going nuts for the last 15, pulling back two goals and salvaging a draw in front of 50,000 really worked-up Salvadorans.

John Dillinger, on his best day, couldn’t have pulled off a robbery like that. Good show.

Kenny Cooper has had two shots from within 20 yards that went straight to El Enorme. I think he needs to back up 40 yards or so and give it a go. Dance with the one that brung you, as they say.

Speaking of Dillinger, RayJ just stoned Atiba Harris from six yards out. Then punched out the rebound like Tyson taking out Mavis Frazier. Then Zach Thornton turned around and returned the favor, going all Bernie Madoff on Coop.

(Note the mixture of old school and cutting edge simile and metaphor, all in the same sentence; I am nothing if not a wordsmith)

Aaron Pitchkolan comes in for Blake Wagner after the half. I don’t know why, but I’m glad, because Pitch should be on the field as much as possible. He’s one of those hardworking no nonsense guys every team needs. He’s the heir apparent to Bobby Rhine as king of hustle.

Good work, if you can get it.

Coop has a goal nullified by a very, VERY close offside call. We’re talking triple-edged razor close.

Well, after I get done talking up Pitch, naturally he gets torched on the first Chivas goal. Clearly this is my fault for putting a jinx on the man with my kind words.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

The goal was scored by a Mexican player named Eduardo Lillington. There’s got to be an interesting story there. A guy named Lillington sounds like his first name should be Nigel and he should talk in Cockney rhyming slang. Instead of drinking tea in Picadilly and singing “God Save the Queen”, he’s here in Texas scoring goals and ruining my Sunday.

It was a beautifully taken goal, too. The ball came over his left shoulder and was first-timed as it came down from a high bounce, to Ray’s far post. I could almost hear the Jose Mourinho puppet saying “Very nice”.

Again, we’re losing at home, while playing pretty good soccer. Maybe we should try sucking really bad, and we could pull out a win.

That may be the worst idea I’ve had since the time I bought a ticket to see “The Frighteners” with Michael J. Fox. I love Michael J. Fox, mind you, but that was not some of his best work. That was the only time I ever walked out of a movie theater. Actually, instead of leaving, I snuck in to “Showgirls” with Elizabeth Berkley. Another really bad movie, but the price of admission was a sunk cost at that point, and, well, you know . . .

Yeah, I take it back, we’re not playing good soccer at all. We just gave up another goal, and the everything seems to be in disarray.

On the bright side, we’re two goals down with 15 to play . . . you saw how that worked out for the USA last night. Where’s Frankie Hejduk when you need him?

Only the post keeps Chivas from scoring a 3^rd. Ray will not be a happy young man tonight, but it won’t really be his fault. You might, if you were really picky, fault his positioning on the 2^nd goal, but on the other hand, Stepanovic kinda strolled in there and shot with an ease and grace not seen since the last Dirty Harry movie.

Bright spot of the match: Dave Van den Bergh. The man is a gift from the soccer gods, and Red Bull New York, who are probably on the verge of firing whoever made the call to let him go.

Full time. Zach Thornton just clean sheeted us, and I have no beer in the house.

What an unfortunate combination.

See you next week for the Revs.

Categories: Stream of Consciousness.

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