May 25th, 2008 . 2:54 pm . By: DJ Walker

My old nemesis, “Real Life” has kept me from writing my regular witty and insightful commentary here of late. But, thanks to the miracle of the Internets and the good people at MLS Live, I actually saw an entire game for the first time this season. The picture was blurry, but smooth; which is fine, because that’s pretty much the way I see the game when I’m standing with the Inferno.

So it was like old times.

(Oh yeah, and thanks to the ZERO people who flooded me with NO emails, telling me they missed the column. Why you people gotta hurt like that? Huh?)

For the record, I don’t think Steve Morrow got a fair shake. It’s a curious sickness in modern professional sports, this ‘Win Now Or Get Out’ philosophy. Even Alex Ferguson sucked for a few seasons before Man U started winning everything in sight. What if he’d only been given a year to get things right? It’s stupid, self-destructive madness to hire a coach and not give him time to work.

Ask Avram Grant.

(Memo to Mr. Grant: Dallas is lovely this time of year…. just sayin’.)

Yeah, I know it’s unacceptable to get thrashed by LA in front of a full house like that, but, come on . . . he’s got a bunch of kids on the field, he’s got injuries to contend with, and he’s been hamstrung by some questionable personnel decisions not of his own making. Give the guy a chance – jettisoning him seven games in, well, it just reeks of desperation and amateurism.

Besides, Steve is a class act; he didn’t deserve to be treated like that.

Anyway, what’s done is done. I know Marco has the experience necessary to guide the team for now, and if you’ve ever seen him get tossed out of a game for going ballistic on the officials, you know he’s got the fire in his belly. I hope it goes well for him.

Speaking of coaches, how does Jason Kreis sign Dema Kovalenko? Seriously – it’s as if George Washington had named Benedict Arnold Secretary of State.

With Beckerman and Kovalenko in the lineup, RSL are not exactly in the running for the FIFA Fair Play award, are they?

On the other hand, they’re pretty much a lock for the “What a bunch of ***holes” Trophy.

Speaking of which: hard foul by My Guy Bobby Rhine on The Evil Beckerman. Well played, sir. Harder next time would be okay with me, but well played nonetheless.

Speaking of Bobby, he’ll probably coach this team someday. Not now, but someday.

He’s also making the most of his first start this season. He’s everywhere so far.

The Inferno are in fine voice tonight. Of course, from the television view, they seem to be a pretty healthy percentage of the entire crowd. No sellout this week, eh?

Wow. Kenny Cooper just toasted his marker at the edge of the 18, drove into the box, then hit a sweet backheel to Rocha. Very nice.

Rocha’s shot looked like he was kicking the ball out of bounds for an injury, mind you, but the build up was sweet.

Ian Joy gets his second yellow just before halftime for hacking Kenny Cooper . . . again. Good call by the ref.

And Brad Sham says “There is no Joy in Muddville!” I love that guy.

I believe Ian Joy once played for my favorite German side, St. Pauli. Not that I like there style of play, or uniforms, or anything like that. I just like teams named after Beer. Kinda the same reason I like Newcastle.

I’m hoping St. Louis will get an MLS Franchise and name it FC Budweiser.

Or maybe Bud United.

But I digress.

The camera catches Kovalenko making an obscene gesture at someone. Probably a little kid in the front row, if I know our Dema.

Holy Schnickes . . . Bobby Rhine goes all Didier Drogba on Javier Morales and gets a Red Card for his trouble. How the hell can that be? Bobby knows better than to slap a guy (where the ref can see it).

I don’t want to make any tasteless Lee Harvey Oswald references here, but Morales went down like he’d been sniper shot, just to be helpful. Typical behavior, unfortunately. It’s like watching Colorado.

So, it seems Salt Lake signed some Scottish guy who is Medical Doctor. He isn’t licensed to practice in the United States, I’m told. From what I’ve seen so far, he’s not licensed to score goals here, either.

(So many jokes, so little time . . .)

Dominic Oduro comes in for Honest Abe Thompson. Time for a little BirdMan. This game could use some blinding speed to liven it up.

A goal wouldn’t hurt things either, frankly.

Ummm, okay, that wasn’t really what I had in mind. Fabian Espindola scores in the 68th minute. It’s bad enough to go down 1-0, but to a guy named Fabian . . . too much.

Arturo in for  . . . somebody. Might be a case of ‘muy poco, muy tarde’ at this point, but I don’t want to get too negative with 20 minutes still left to play.

I don’t want to, but hey, I’ve have seen SOME of the last few games, so forgive me if I’m leaning that way.

That goal was the Platonic ideal of the phrase “against the run of play”, by the way. And oddly, it hasn’t done anything in the way of creating a sense of urgency in the boys, either. The game has taken on a training ground pace.

And somewhere, even at this very moment, someone is typing the words “Feruzzi must go” on BigSoccer.

It is becoming more and more clear that Arturo Alvarez’s right leg, in the words of Seamus Malin, is purely ornamental.

Toja in for Richetti. I’ll be shocked if this makes a bit of difference.

Hey! Something Good Happened! The Birdman does it again; nice service from Drew Moor and another headed goal from Dom.

Eight minutes left . . . hmmm . . .

This team needs a come-from-behind victory worse than the breath of life itself. It would also make Marco look like a genius.

And, why not just make him the head coach now? Seriously, name me one person out there in Soccer-Land who

a) wants the job
b) would be any better than Marco, and
c) would be willing to accept the Hunt Sports Group pay scale?

Yeah . . . that would be . . . let me see . . .

No one.

Three minutes added time. I can’t remember the last time we needed a goal this badly.

(Well, actually I do, but I’m trying to be dramatic here, okay?)

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! DIPSY SELELOWANE!!!! BIRDMAN!!!!!!!!!!! GOAL!!!!!!! MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOALGOALGOALGOALGOALGOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was a finish that Dominic doesn’t make last year. That was a top-shelf piece of soccer right there. Oduro has come of age, and really, just in time.

At the risk of over-doing the hyperbole, that was one of the most important wins, I believe, in the history of the franchise. This team was in dire danger of imploding. And it still might. But a win like this could very well be what turns things around, from a winning mentality p.o.v. And that is the one thing this team has never really acquired: a winning mentality.

Personally of course, I was never worried for a second . . . knew they’d do it the whole time.

See you Wednesday for the San Houston DynaQuakes.

Hopefully.

Categories: Stream of Consciousness.

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