Stream of Consciousness: FC Dallas at Chicago
May 18th, 2007 . 8:31 am . By: DJ Walker
Yeah, so thank you MLS Scheduling Committee for SCREWING The Inferno with a Thursday game at Chicago. Nice of you kids to make sure nobody but Parrish could attend, and that only because Parrish LIVES in Chicago. Jerkfaces. Oh sure, instead of complaining I know I should be thanking my lucky stars we’ve been granted the extremely coveted Thursday night ESPN 2 slot. Who knows what that kind of exposure could do for us. Heh. Nice shot of Chris Armas clearly saying the phrase “F*** me” after failing to convert a Caleb Carr cross. Way to make the family proud, there, big guy. I actually really like Armas. He’s the kind of hard-nosed gamer any team would like to have. His knees are not as stout as his heart, so he’s retiring after this season. The league will be poorer for that; though I’d guess he’ll be around, coaching or something eventually. Every time Cindy sees Caleb Carr on the screen she says something along the lines of “That is one pretty man”. I don’t find that near as threatening as when she makes those primal grunt sounds whenever she sees Jose Mourinho. It’s the only advantage to the end of the Premier League season, that I don’t have to put up with that every weekend. Ohhhhhh! Kenny Cooper gets fouled by Pickens in the box and wins a penalty. To be fair, it was hard luck for Pickens, because Coop had misplayed his second touch and never would have caught up to the ball before it went out of play. Wynalda said it was a dive, and I suppose he of all people would recognize one, but it was a foul. With no Ruiz in the lineup (because of a tight hamstring or because he’s still in Steve Morrow’s dog house, depending on whom you believe), KCII takes the shot and easily beats Pickens. 1 – nil, as them foreigner type soccer guys would say. Oh no Eric Wynalda did NOT just diss Darío Sala. Oh no HE DIDN’T! He needs to know, I’m the kinda guy, if I get enough beer in me . . . Oh brother. Give me strength. Listening to Waldo, Stoner, and Smyth trying to get all Sigmund Freud on Carlos Ruiz is making my eyes hurt (you know, because like, I have to roll my eyes a lot – get it?). Then they show a shot of Carlos on the bench and Waldo says “He looks tired to me.” Oy. Segares just brought Drew Moor down with one of those two-legged scissor tackles that are good for nothing but breaking a guy’s legs. Brian Hall gives him a stern talking to. Nice. Holy Schnickes Toja is good. This is a completely different team with him and Richetti on the field. I was trading emails with Bill Urban the other day (if you don’t read everything Bill writes, start doing it today. There’s no excuse not to.) and he said part of the pleasure of watching those two is the snobbish satisfaction of knowing the casual fan won’t understand the intricacies of their contribution. Which would be a lot funnier if I wasn’t probably one of those people. But I digress. I see a couple of hoop shirts in the corner section; the same place they stuck The Inferno last season. I can’t see who they are, though. Kenny Cooper just hit the crossbar so hard it’s probably still vibrating. He was about 25 yards out and first timed it. The last object to get hit that hard by a Dallas player was Hunter Freeman’s jaw. Some things never stop being funny, you ever notice that? I don’t want to jinx anything, but there’s 30 minutes left in this game and I don’t think Darío has had to make a save yet. ToooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooJA! Goooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Maaaaaaaaaaaaagic! Toja plays the ball to Abe Thompson in the penalty area, Honest Abe collects the ball, calmly turns Jim Curtin and lays the ball off for Toja, who ran a good 20 yards to get the return pass; JCT drills it first time with his right foot and beats Pickens. Yes, I said, “right foot”. Up to this point I was under the impression that Toja’s right peg was solely ornamental in nature. I stand corrected. Happily, at that. Just like at KC, it was KC then Toja scoring the first two goals. Nice. I can live with that pattern. Now we just need to complete the shutout. Good shot of the Inferno contingent after the goal. I definitely saw Parrish and Warren, and I swear I thought I saw Daniel-san, but last I heard he was studying in England. Could it be he flew home via Chicago just to catch this game? That’s commitment my friends. Good on them for making the trip to the game, whatever the case. A Brimstone match without the Inferno would be like . . . something really important to something else not being there when it should. (Sorry. I’ve got a case of simile-block) ESPN showed “separated-at-birth” pictures of Toja and Nigel Tufnel. Then they showed Tommy Smyth with some electronically added Toja-hair. I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep tonight. Or ever. Darío just stole a goal right off of Caleb Carr’s foot. Remember the scene in “Casablanca” where Captain Renault is trying to describe Rick, and he says “Well, Rick is the kind of man that… well, if I were a woman, and I were not around, I should be in love with Rick.” I’m not willing to go quite that far, but dang I love Darío Sala. Ah, crap. Fire goal. It looks like a replay of the save I just described, but the cross gets in just a tick earlier, and Carr manages to squeeze it past. 2-1, and the Fahr are pouring on the pressure. Dominic Oduro is on the field now, however, and that makes a lot of difference. He immediately leads a counterattack. Nunez can’t finish from Dominic’s feed, But I think Chicago get the message – don’t send quite everybody up. 15 minutes to play. Nervous? Me? Nah. You know, Segares is starting to get on my nerves. That’s two really dirty plays in this game. He just went studs-up on Dax McCarty and didn’t get in the same zip code as the ball. He needs to know, I’m the kinda guy, if I get enough beer in me . . . OHH! Thiago just knocked one off the post. Whew . . . I can breathe again. Caleb Carr gets a yellow card for tangling with Toja. It’s a clear case of hair jealousy, in my view. Oduro in so good at coming in late and threatening on the counter. He’s got to be one of the most underrated players in MLS right now. Which is fine with me, because I don’t want anyone getting any ideas about poaching him. I want him in hoops as long as he’s playing. Apparently someone’s paying attention, because he’s going to play for the Ghana U-20’s next week. Congrats to Dominic for that. This is last five minutes has been what sports writers refer to as a “furious finish”. This time the cliché fits. Chicago are really pressing, and this is some entertaining football. It’ll be more entertaining if we can make it through four minutes of stoppage. Again with the four minutes! Just like Saturday in Kansas City. I can’t take this. Game. Sweet. Two road wins in a row, and a great start to the Brimstone campaign. See you Sunday for Real Salt Kreis. 12 Comments Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI Leave a comment |
Very entertaining reading as always. And a big win, for sure.
“Nice shot of Chris Armas clearly saying the phrase “F*** me” after failing to convert a Caleb Carr cross. Way to make the family proud, there, big guy.”
I gues you missed the F-bomb by Moor in the last few minutes. Only in MLS do you get the opportunity to hear the players cuss, I love it.
Coach Dominic is amazing. Once again DJ you have written a great sattire on the plight of the American Soccer fan. well done boss.
Beau, Alex, Parrish and Warren were the Inferno contingent in chicago.
Pickens also very clearly said “Your f**kin kidding me!” when the PK was called.
Wasn’t me DJ, I’m still in blighty. I’m back two weeks from today, just in time for Houston.
Were we watching the same game? Oduro gave up the ball everytime he touched it. When trying to run out the clock you try to possess the ball and not give it back to the other team with shoddy work on the ball.
It was either me or Beau you were referring to. Away games are almost more fun.
Kind of agree with Jon. I am now on the bring in Arturo bandwagon. Almost as fast and a lot better first touch so he might actually keep the ball to make some runs. Anyway Artie doesn’t score but he sure puts panic attacks in defenders and would at least waste some time before just missing wide right or left.
I don’t think ESPN likes FCD. Maybe i just have a chip on my shoulder, but even though we have had three thursday games, in all 3 of them, the other team gets the full intro with the pics and player names, and we have gotten the quick mention after kick off? Also in all three games, i get tired of hearing about the other teams’ players. Cooper is the only dallas player they talk about- Well they did talk forever about Toja’s hair, i guess that counts. In all three games i felt like i was watching the opponents telecast. Wynalda has finally convinced me to watch the games on mute, at least dave wasn’t there. Also does anyone else feel like Toja is way underratted by the media? He is awesome! That guy is all over the field, so high energy and fun to watch.
Thats just my thought, am i crazy?
ESPN is whoring themselves out to the bigger market. They will always do this. Hell I remember at our first Thursday game this year that we didn’t have the boom camera like Chicago did. But, atleast we’re the victors.
I agree on Toja. If stays healthy he will be MVP of FCD and one of the most talked about players in the league at the end of the season. I still want to see what he can do in the attacking midfielder role. I think he could be the MLS equivalent to Carlos Tevez.
toja also looks like Cedric of the Mars Volta